Your Lord and Savior: Eric Cartman

FUCK

2008-05-28T01:09:50Z

THIS PLACE FUCKING SUCKS.

I WANT FOOD. I AM A STARVING CHILD. If there's a child services here I AM CALLING IT.

I am a sick of all you goddamn PUSSIES.

I'M BORED AS HELL. WHERE CAN I WATCH TV?

Also, I keep walking around and seeing ASIANS. I DON'T.SPEAK.JAPANIME. SO STOP SPEAKING IT. SPEAK ENGLISH. THIS IS AMERICA. NOT NARUTO OR POKEMON. Also, I SEE A LOT OF INAPPROPRIATE INNUENDO GOING ON HERE, ESPECIALLY TWO MEN.

TAKE YOUR PRIDE PARADE ELSEWHERE.

[voice]

2008-05-10T21:07:17Z

Yeah? Hear that everyone? That screaming. Yase. That was the sound of my sweet sweet victory. Ah have begun cleansing this land of the undesirables and those blood curdling screams and blood shots? Heh, that was none other than yours truly.

SUCK ON THAT, DOUCHEBAGS.

cheezyp00fs @ 2008-05-01T19:49:00

2008-05-01T23:51:34Z

Just to let you all know, this refers to all of you:

[A loud fart echoes through the communicator]

Thanks for soap Jackass. I barfed it up into a jar and plan on making you a nice cocktail. HAH.

And to you guys who wanna put meh in jail; ah feel like ahm being forced to repeat mehself:

SUCK MY BALLS.

goddammit ah want some chicken pot pah

STAN! Get your ass over here NOW. These guys are going to kill you! CHEF'S GAWN CRAZY AGAIN! AND HE GREW LIKE 10 FEET TALL. COME HERE AND I'LL BE YOUR BODY GUARD. ~~Protect meh.~~

[voice]

2008-04-30T16:00:48Z

FUCK.

What the HELL?

AM I IN JAPAN. GET MEH THE HELL OUT OF HERE. GET ME OUT! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW!

I don't want raw fish, I don't like hello kitty, and I don't see any ninja stars around here so this is pretty much USELESS.

AND WHERE IS THE BEAUTIFUL GODDESS I WILL EVENTUALLY SPAWN WITH?

Where the hell can I get mehself some food? I keep hearing a bunch'a pussies whining over this stupid walky talky. THIS IS BULLSHIT. There are starving children here! GET OFF YOUR FAT ASSES AND MAKE MEH SOME FOOD.

NOW.

cheezyp00fs @ 2008-04-23T20:31:00

2008-04-24T00:31:42Z

What the hell is this shit?
Stan? Kyle? This isn’t funny. Yeah, in fact, it’s totally lame. Get your heads out of your asses and get meh the fuck outta here!

Aw crap. Am I stuck in some shitty time warp again?

Hello?

Anyone?

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahm?

Maybe I’m the last survivor on earth. Yeeaaas, that’s it. It’s some sort of sign. Jesus must be sending down a heavenly woman to repopulate the planet with meh at this very moment! This is perfect! I can now start my own perfect and unflawed master race, full of beautiful and intelligent people just like meeeeh.

Haha! Suck mah balls Kyle!

~~Okay though. Seriously. Not funny. Get meh outta here. Now.~~